Love and Marriage, Pirate Style

Ahoy there, Mateys! That fair wench The Ironic Catholic hath reminded me that today be Talk Like a Pirate Day once again, it be. Shiver me timbers, I almost missed it! Here be the link to the last time I blogged about TLAPD. But what's more, it seems The Ironic Catholic (Dr. IC for short, don't ye know), has as a story to tell about Lizzie the Pirate Wench, Jack her intended, and their parish priest, no less! Lend an ear, ye scurvy dogs, and ye'll learn somethin' about that there Theology of the Body, so ye will, and have a laugh besides.

In the meantime, here be a video of a song that some scurvy dog hath composed in honor of the occasion:



Arrr!

The Happy Haka

Reader PaperSmyth and I have been chatting via the comment boxes lately about rituals, symbolism, and team loyalty. When I mentioned that wearing an Auburn University cap brings back all sorts of memories of my Dad, and wearing a University of South Carolina cap brings back both memories of my Mom and memories of my own time at USC, Papersmyth responded that she has used the earthshaking, earsplitting experience of The Tunnel Walk at University of Nebraska home games as a metaphor for what The Last Trumpet in the book of Revelation might be like:



This is obviously a pregame ritual designed to psych up the home team and home fans and intimidate the visitors, right?

Then, as it happened, I listened to the most recent episode of Father Roderick's Daily Breakfast Podcast. Father Roderick has been visiting Australia and New Zealand speaking to members of the Australasian Catholic Press Association. His host in New Zealand mentioned a local rugby team, The All-Blacks (so named because of their uniforms), that performs a haka, or a kind of war dance used by New Zealand's Maori people, before every game. The haka uses chanting, shouting, aggressive body movements, and fierce facial expressions to convey the message to opponents: "We are bad dudes, and we will mess you up."

In other words, it's a pregame ritual designed to psych up the home team and home fans and intimidate the visitors:



And it's quite effective! So, PaperSmyth, I'll see your Tunnel Walk and raise you one haka. Maybe if the Gamecocks did that before every game . . .

I Won Again!

Yes, Dear Readers, it has happened again.

More than a year after my first victory in the HeroMachine Caption Contest, I have won again!

Jeff Hebert, creator of the fantabulous HeroMachine software, website, and blog has recently revived his much beloved caption contest. Every couple of weeks, Jeff searches through his vast library of comics, finds a single panel rich with comedic possibilities, removes the dialogue, and invites readers to submit their own. The reader with the funniest dialogue (in this case, that would be me) wins a prize drawn by Jeff. Since he is currently hard at work on the next major upgrade of the software, the prize will be an item of my choice to be included in the next version of HeroMachine or (shudder) a caricature of my face, an item too horrible to be contemplated.

Here is this week's panel with the original dialogue removed:



Here's the same panel with my dialogue inserted, which I hope, Dear Readers, you will find appropriately hilarious:



I have an idea of what I would like for my prize, but I haven't made a final decision. I'll keep you posted.

Caps

It's funny how the physical objects around us can get us to thinking.

Now that another college football season is upon us, I splurged on a University of South Carolina baseball cap to show my team loyalty. This is the one I chose:



I've cheered for Carolina teams since I was a boy, long before I did my graduate work there (and far too often been poorly rewarded for my loyalty, but that's another story). Hope springs eternal in the Gamecock fan's breast however. This might just be the year the football team or the basketball team or the baseball team or the women's track and field team or somebody does great things.

When the cap arrived yesterday I wore it with great pride, but it reminded me that I had a similar one for Auburn University, my Dad's alma mater, a cap very much like this one:



Towards the end of his life, I noticed that Dad had taken to wearing a baseball cap whenever he drove to keep the sun out of his eyes. He was wearing a generic baseball cap he'd gotten from somewhere (the USC bookstore if I remember correctly). Two Christmases before he died of cancer, I gave him an Auburn cap. He smiled and thanked me. Later I learned that he wore it whenever he drove until he was no longer able to drive. After Dad's funeral, my brother Allen asked me if I would like to have the cap and I have kept it ever since.

Dad was never a big sports fan. Normally he paid very little attention to Auburn athletics—until perhaps the annual weekend that Auburn played Alabama. When I rediscovered the cap, however, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I found Auburn's fight song on the internet and have been listening to it almost compulsively. I'll keep an eye on how the Auburn Tigers (Clemson Tigers = BAD! Auburn Tigers = GOOD!) do this year, even as I'm cheering on my Gamecocks. And should Auburn triumph over Alabama, you will hear a rousing cry of WAAAAAAR EAGLE!" from this direction.

Miss you, Dad.

What The . . .?

Regular readers of this blog (all three of you) know that two of my interests are the Catholic faith and comics. These two things came together in a rather bizarre way when I looked in on Jeff Hebert's Heromachine Blog on Friday and found the following item:



As I commented on Jeff's blog:

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Bats in the altogether except for his cape and cowl? With his batboys discreetly covered by the undulations of Joker, aka the Serpent in the Garden of Eden? This is not just whacked out comics, folks. This is some SERIOUSLY whacked out theology.

(Darned Episcopalians!) :)

The meaning of this one confounds both Christians and comic book fans. Never let it be said that It's All Straw does not broaden your educational, cultural, and theological horizons, dear readers.

'Sup?

Hey, everybody. I know it's been awhile since I posted anything of significance. Still having some medical problems that interfere with my ability to do much of anything useful, but I'm still here. So . . . 'Sup with you?

Just for Laughs

OK, enough with the cute pictures of dogs and cats with hilarious captions and the grousing about my medical problems. It's time for this blog to regain the moral and intellectual high ground with . . . superhero parody videos! Yeah, that's it! That's the ticket! I blundered across this yesterday on YouTube and thought it was hilarious.



To be perfectly honest, I always did think Wonder Woman was a little bit on the lame side. Glad somebody else thinks so too.

Two Blogs Go Black

Two giants of the Catholic blogosphere, Amy Welborn and Dawn Eden, have decided to bring their blogs to an end. I'll let them explain why. I'm sure they had good reasons, but I will miss both of them.

Third-rate hacks like me are still available, however. :)

Dawn announced she was going on a permanent blogging vacation almost a month ago, but I kept checking back every so often in the forlorn hope that perhaps she had reconsidered her decision. No such luck.

As for Amy, I hadn't checked on her blog in a while, and was surprised to find during a quick visit to her site that she had decided to call it quits.

We'll miss you, ladies. Be well, and God bless you both. Thank you for all you have done to make the internet a saner, more humane, more Christlike place.

Pax vobiscum.

Cheezeburger of Teh Day

see more dog and puppy pictures

Cheezeburger of Teh Day

see more dog and puppy pictures

Sign Her Up for the Schola Cantorum!

Tangle (formerly called GodTube, I think) sent me this video, and I thought it was too cute not to share. Yes, she is singing the version of The Lord's Prayer found in the King James Bible, which means she's probably not Catholic, but hey, she's only two! Things could change.



Makes you think, doesn't it? Have you said your prayers today? Even more importantly, have you made sure your kids have said their prayers today?

Cheeseburgers in Paradise

A member of my Legion of Mary group very graciously presented me with a George Foreman Grill recently (on my birthday no less) and last night and today I finally had a chance to try it out. I don't know about you, but when I hear the word "grill," I start thinking, "hamburgers," and the instruction book just happened to include a recipe for "George Foreman Power Burgers" (with your choice of vegetables and seasoned bread crumbs added to the meat) that I just had to try. I bought just over a pound of ground chuck and a white onion and made the bread crumbs myself. I followed the cooking directions and last night produced two rather tasty burgers with all the fixin's (cheese, lettuce, ketchup, mustard, pickles), a very satisfying, if somewhat messy meal. I just had another plain burger for lunch, and cooked and froze the remaining meat in a rather oversized patty that I'll reheat later, either in the microwave or the toaster oven.

My only complaint about the whole process is that the plastic spatula provided and recommended for use with the grill is pretty darn useless. Using it is like trying to flip your burger with a credit card. Otherwise, I'm looking forward to grilling all sorts of goodies. Now, I have the option of being able to prepare a slow-cooked meal in my new crock pot, or to cook something fairly quickly on the grill. Recipes and tips will be gratefully accepted.

Mass Appeal

I went to Mass today for the first time in several weeks after a long illness. I'm still not fully recovered, but I consider the fact that I felt well enough to go to church an encouraging sign. More news as it becomes available and events warrant. That is all.

Still Struggling

Man, this is getting tedious. Sorry about the blog fade for the past couple of weeks, but I'm still having medical problems that are embarrassing, messy, and painful in a certain (ahem) sensitive region of the male anatomy. This all started with a pair of infections, back to back, and even after two rounds of antibiotics, I still don't feel particularly good. In fact it feels as though the infection is trying to make a comeback. I'm planning to see my doctor on Monday, and we'll discuss where to go from here.

On the bright side, I did get to visit my family in North Carolina for birthday number (mumble, mumble) and I treated myself to the DVD of The Incredibles with a the Wal-Mart Gift Card my sister gave me. The Incredibles is rapidly becoming one of my favorite movies. Writer and director Brad Bird combines a smart script and stellar computer-generated animation to serve up a spankin' comedy action/adventure/superhero movie, even as he gently pokes fun at the action/adventure/superhero movie—and, as if that weren't enough, his turn as the voice of Edna Mode, costume designer to the supers, is almost worth the price of admission by itself:



I think the secret to the Pixar gang's success is that for all their mind-blowing technical skill with computer animation, they never forget that the real essentials of any story are character and plot.They rarely fail to give us interesting characters and to make the journey on which those characters embark interesting as well. Unfortunately I missed the latest Pixar vehicle, Up, during its theatrical run, but in light of all the enthusiastic reviews I read, it's definitely slated for rental the minute it comes out on DVD.

A Response From the President

You may recall that back in April I posted an open letter to the President voicing my opposition to the so-called Feedom of Choice Act (FOCA). Yesterday I received this response:

The White House
Washington

July 2, 2009

Dear Friend:

Thank you for taking the time to share your views on abortion. This is a heart-wrenching issue, and I appreciate your input and thoughts.

I am committed to making my Administration the most open and transparent in history, and part of delivering on that promise is hearing from people like you. I take seriously your opinions and respect your point of view on this issue. Please know that your concerns will be on my mind in the days ahead.

Thank you again for writing. I encourage you to visit Whitehouse.gov to learn more about my Administration or to contact me in the future.

Sincerely,
Barack Obama

I offer this with very little comment, except to say that it's obviously a form letter, which I expected, if I expected any response at all. There's no indication that anyone associated with the President attempted to respond to any of the objections or concerns I raised. The letter moves quickly from a generic, bland thank-you for "sharing my views on abortion" to a discussion of what seems to be the President's favorite topic—himself and the wonders of his Administration (note the capital A). The envelope was addressed by hand, probably by a lowly White House mail room employee.

"Change we can believe in?" I think not. To me it just looks like more of the same old thing--blarney and double-talk from another politician.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I'm still struggling with medical issues. My sister came for a visit this weekend and brought some much needed TLC, some yummy home cooked meals, and her very sweet dog for company, but the weekend was still pretty rough. I found out I do have an infection and have started on another round of antibiotics. I'm also going to see my doctor later this afternoon. Your prayers, dear readers, would still be very much appreciated.

Medical Update

Thanks to all of those who have been and are praying for me. Please keep it up. Your prayers and good wishes are very much appreciated. The outpatient procedure went very well. There is no evidence of any Really Terrible Disease or Really Big Medical Problem, which is what I was really scared of, so that is a huge relief. I think I may have finally turned the corner on this thing and may soon be back to my old self.

I have to give an extraordinarily big shout-out and thank you to the incomparable Dawn Eden for her support during this time. I e-mailed her to ask for her prayers, and she went one better, not only praying for me, but also calling me and offering personal words of counsel and encouragement the night before the procedure. She sent me a link to a pamphlet by the great Fulton J. Sheen, an extraordinarily rich meditation on the relationship between Christ's sacrifice on Calvary and the events of every Mass. This booklet is well worth your time and will doubtless require several readings to fully appreciate. Thanks for everything, Dawn! You're a real mensch!

Prayer Request Redux

Dear readers,

The medical problem I spoke of a few days ago has been more stubborn and persistent than I expected. The standard treatments don't seem to be working, and my doctors are at a loss as to what to do next. I am worried about how I will continue to pay for further treatments or medical procedures if they are necessary, because at the moment I am unemployed and without health insurance. I am also worried that this problem could be a symptom of something more seriously wrong. Thanks to all of you who have prayed for me. Please keep it up. Additional prayers from friends old and new would be welcome and very much appreciated.

Thank you.

UPDATE 7/6/09: Thanks to all of you who have prayed and are praying for me. At the recommendation of my doctor, I am planning to undergo an outpatient medical procedure on Wednesday so that we can better identify the problem and any possible solutions. Please pray that this procedure goes well, and that the problem can be easily identified and treated. Thanks.

At Least Hamlet and Horatio Are Still BFFs

Here's a link to a very funny site that retells the story of Hamlet as a series of postings on Shakespeare's Facebook page.

Hat tip to the incomparable Dawn Eden for posting the link.

The Priest Shortage Hits Home

Any Catholic who practices and cares about the future of the faith knows the church today is afflicted with "crisis in vocations"—or to put it more bluntly, a critical shortage of priests and religious. Today that shortage came to my parish. For the first time since I have been a member of my present parish, we were forced to have a Sunday communion service rather than a proper Mass because there was no priest available. Our parish priest has been away for several weeks dealing with a family emergency and, God willing, is scheduled to return next weekend. For the last three weeks, we have had a visiting priest fill in for him, but this weekend that priest was not available.

I was at home recovering from an illness, so I was not at the service today, but it distresses me that we were forced to this pass because of the shortage of priests. I live in rural, eastern South Carolina, an area where Catholics are few and far between, and today was the first time in my memory that my parish has ever been without a priest for Sunday Mass. I can only imagine what the situation is like in areas where the priest shortage is even more severe. On a recent episode of his "Daily Breakfast" podcast, Father Roderick Vonhögen, a priest of the Archdiocese of Utrecht in the Netherlands, estimated that by the year 2015, his diocese would have only 50 active priests available to serve a population of over 1 million Catholics. As it is now, he and each of his fellow priests are responsible for 7-10 parish churches that have been grouped into "mega-parishes" simply because there are no priests available to serve the smaller parish churches.

All of this goes to show how entirely appropriate it is that Pope Benedict has declared a Year of the Priest, to encourage reflection on the importance of priests in Catholic life, to encourage priestly vocations, and to encourage those already serving as priests to keep up their good work and to strive even harder for holiness of life and better service to God and his people.

If you're blessed enough to live in a parish with a resident priest, thank God for it— and thank the priest for his service to you. Pray for him, and pray that God will raise up good and godly men to succeed that priest when the time comes. If you know any unmarried, faithful Catholic men, encourage them to consider the priesthood as a vocation. I seriously considered the priesthood when I was younger, but I lacked the courage to follow through—now I think I would lack the physical health and stamina. I can still pray, however. Pray for your priests! Pray for more priests!